Faye Jones, big bag of bones

Two days to go until we jet off into the unknown.

I started to pack but packing is my least favourite thing in the world (apart from veal's head, beetroots and butter on sandwiches). And so naturally I chose to watch Waterloo Road.

As a consequence, I am not a huge deal further forward. Although it has to be said, I do feel a huge deal wiser about Janeece, Sambuca and Grantley Budgen.

I feel that before we go I should give some airtime to my travelling buddy Faye. For the purposes of anonymity, I might have given her a fake name. However, this would thoroughly spoil an anecdote I will reveal in due course. (Also, I accidentally mentioned her in a previous post, so the cat's out of the bag.)

In order to do so, I shall share a poem I wrote at school, aged 7. Do you remember in primary school when the teacher wanted you to be all creative and write about "my best friend"? And people got really upset because you were their best friend in the whole wide world but quite frankly, they were your third best friend or at a real push, joint second?

Well, the clever way to go around this was to say in as diplomatic a way as a seven year old can muster

"I'm writing about Faye, she's my best friend from ANOTHER school"

We met across a crowded toddler group room.

I'm assuming. I have no idea what our first conversation was.

Although I imagine it was really very high-brow and sophisticated.

Certainly, by the time we got to nursery, our vocabulary had really developed.

"Faye Jones, big bag of bones"

Faye was a tad more creative, employing the use of a half rhyme.

"Philippa Cotton has spots on her bottom"

It is wise to point out here that this is, in fact, slander. But Faye was 3 whole months older than me. And when she is 4 and you're only 3 and 3/4, there is just not a fat lot you can do about slander.

Anyway, this poem was written sixteen years ago (and, might I add, encourages the use of half rhyme).

I've had a friend since I was two
She's a normal person* like me or you
She knows a lot of words that you might not
She shares and cares and laughs a lot
Her name is Faye, She's very funny
So none of you should every worry
'Cause she'll always be nice to you
And you'll like her as much as I do

It is still almost all true.
*Except the bit about her being normal.